


How much I hate France

by Secret_Universe



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Friendship, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:41:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2684741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secret_Universe/pseuds/Secret_Universe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soldier and Spy tend to argue, a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How much I hate France

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thisisporky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisporky/gifts).



"Hold still, this will only sting for a moment..." The BLUs' Medic was busy checking his team mates before the battle was ready to begin, as they each waited their turn. Sniper was the next to go, as the doctor did his thing.

In the waiting room was Heavy, Scout, Demoman, Soldier and Spy each waiting their turn. The man with the helmet scowled at the one with the mask, "I still hate France.."

"Indeed." Spy said not really surprised, frowning.

"Thanks Doc," they could hear Sniper saying.

Soldier then smirked slowly, "...Frenchfry."

Spy stared before returning the taunting grin, "...Oink oink."

"Why you-!"

"Easy lads, save it for the REDs." Demoman scolded the two, but he was pretty sure by now they weren't gonna listen.

"Mission begins in 60 seconds."

The BLU Team waited, ready for battle and of course having to listen to the bickering of two certain men.

"The Frenchie's touching me."

"I waz not."

"Are too, crouton."

"Prove it, Porky."

Heavy and Scout frowned to each other hearing the bickering behind them, before the big bear decided he had enough.

"Now who's touching who?"

"This is my best suit!"

"Hey!" Heavy turned on them scowling while Scout was trying to ease his big buddy down, "If leetle baby men can't fight together, they should not be on battlefield then."

"Save it, Pooh Bear. This is our fight." Soldier frowned.

"Dummies." Their Engineer shook his head.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Mission begin!"

"Just try and keep out of my way." Soldier darted off to the left.

"Indeed." Spy headed off in his own direction. It wasn't like he needed the Soldier's help anyhow. He could manage on his own.

\--

Meanwhile, around at the RED's base, the RED Scout and Engineer were also preparing for battle, both unknowing of a certain BLU sneaking behind them. The RED bunny was bout to give his usual 'need a dispenser here' until he got back stabbed allowing the Spy to turn into the RED Himself. How the Enginner didn't hear this, we don't know. Maybe thinking new types of Sentries. Spy got close, ready to bring down his butterfly knife...

"Hey boy!"

Spy yelped, hiding his weapon, "Wh-" He cleared his voice into the RED's Scout, "What?"

"Need a dispenser right here."

"Yeah!"

"Alrighty then!" Engineer began to skip off.

The 'Scout' murmured underneath his breath, "F*** you engie."

This made Engineer stop in his tracks before he turned back and brought himself really close to his 'teammate', who yelped, "What?"

"...That's a pretty good job?" 'Scout' grinned nervously, as the awkward silence took a moment to pass by.

"...I'm watching you, boy." Engineer turned away again, "Giddy up!"

"Your precious machines won't save you now."

He stopped again; that clearly didn't sound like their Scout at all, more like a- but he was quickly back stabbed, so that the BLU Spy could turn from the Scout into the RED Engineer. Quickly he hurried into the base of the REDs.

\--

Meanwhile, the RED Demoman was hurrying along inside the base, but stopped when he thought he spotted one of his teammates, a familiar hardhat.

"Engineer." Demoman walked over to his 'Engineer', who just stood there with wrench in his hand. He looked puzzled noting a broken sentry. Spy, not wanting to be caught, gave a whack but no such luck. He looked nervously to the suspicious Scottish.

"..." He gave a thumbsup, "You're doing good lad."

"Thanks." But then he yelped in alarm, without the Engineer's voice.

Demoman glared, poking the wrench before the BLU Spy was back to himself, "Oh Merde."

"THE ENGINEER'S A BLOODY SPY!"

"I'm out!" With that, he raced off but just as he rounded a corner, he got blacked out by some unknown object.

\--

It took him some time to awaken, his vision blurred a few times as he blinked rapidly. That's strange, he didn't seem to be touching the ground, more like floating and his throat was hurting. His hands rose to try and loosen his collar from whatever was holding him up but not much use.

"Looking for this?"

His attention turned to the Scot in Red, holding a familiar weapon; his butterfly knife! And that wasn't the most of his problems; there stood the RED's Pyro, his weapon ready in hand. Damn he hated the Pyro that much.

"Didn't expect this to be so easy, boyo."

"Get me down..." Spy swung about, mostly choking himself rather then getting free of that hook thing in the back of his neck.

"Aw, but we were just gonna be gentle. Weren't we?" He nodded to Pyro, as it made its way to the BLU, the flame just inches from his chest.

"Not my best suit!"

"Oh it isn't now?" Demoman just grinned, "We can take care of that."

Pyro giggled, slowly starting up the flame working his way down the BLU's jacket. Spy thrashed to no use, getting uneasily warm from the fire and starting to see blurs again. Thins that weren't supposed to move danced around. He only croaked small pleads but they went ignored until the fire had halted near the bottom of his now singed coat.

"There, now that wasn't so bad."

The man in the mask tried hard to catching his breath, "Y-you... druken wretch..."

"Wasn't I always?"

What happened next came unexpected.

BANG BANG!

Gunshots almost had missed the RED Scottish and Thing as they dodged, looking up to see their intruder. Despite being unable to see, Spy could almost make out his savior... a man who was short... had a helmet covering most of his face... it wasn't his Engineer... but...

"Tavish. Put. The Crouton. Down." 

((the ending written by ThisisPorky))

'And what are ye gonna do if 'a don't, laddie?' The Demoman barked back, his hands balled to fists as he watched his old BLU friend emerge from the shadows. In his hands, re-loading for another shot, was the Soldier - his trade mark helmet drooped over his eyes. Yet the maniacal man lifted it above his head to get a better look at the situation at hand. A small smirk spread across his lips as he looked at the arrangement before him.  
Oh, if only he had a handy camera.

'Well, if ya don't put the Frenchie down, there's gonna be some dead bodies at the scene.'

'Hudaa hudda huh!' The fire bug started, his free hand shaking in rage above her head as he looked at the BLU, the greyness of her goggles seemingly bursting into a blaze of fire as he held her flamethrower under his other arm.

'Yeah, tha' things right! Why are ye steppin' in business that isn't yours?! It makes me think 'am twice as drunk!'

'That,' He started, noting the barrel to the tied BLU Spy, who gave a frown, 'believe it or not, is a team-mate. And I, son, will do my damn hardest to protect 'em, no matter who they are and where they're from, even if they're a real pain in the ass and from a faggy place like France!'

'Soldier, can you please not-'

'And that is what you're meant to do in the war!'

'Awwwww, ain't that tha' sweetest thing ya eva' 'eard? Ain't it, Pyro?' The muffled creäture giggled and nodded, now holding the flamethrower in both hands, facing the other BLU's way. It was ready to spew the flame to the man. Undeterred by such a weapon pointing his way, he just smirked. He lowered his helmet so that the creepy gaze wouldn't be shown, and in a quick flash, he aimed his shotgun to the fire-starter, aiming for its shoulder.

A direct it.

In a muffled cry and quick action, he jammed his finger down on the trigger of the flamethrower. A sprout of fire escaped the muzzle and into the air, causing the black Scottish Cyclops to scream and duck, covering his head. Spy also let out a choked scream, his trashes leading to a tighter collar around his neck. Slightly laughing like a maniac, Soldier did the same to the now defenseless Demo, shooting for his shoulder before reloading the weapon. Down like a ton of bricks he went, screeching and holding his bleeding wound.

'How do ya like that, funny man?!'

A few more shots were heard going off, followed by the failed attempts of a flamethrower being used and a grenade launcher also being fired off, followed closely by loud explosions. Then, it all went quiet.

With that boastful smirk still across his face, the Soldier looked up to where the Spy stood, with his left leg high up in the air and curled into his chest, his eyes tightly closed and teeth gritted together through fear. Both of his gloved hands were bounded thanks to ropes being latched on to the steel pipes on both sides, as well as a dog-like collar clutching to his neck. A wide metal ring was on the back of the black collar, being held up by an easily click-on-and-off chain, connecting to the top half of the pipes above their heads. His trademark suit had also been burnt a little thanks to the Thing.

'So, Frenchie,' Soldier started after a long moment of letting the silence reign, walking over him in a triumphant stride. 'Ya need help, there?'

'...' Cracking open an eye, the French man looked at him. He'd never looked so full of fear in his life, and the Solly was so glad that he was the first man experiencing it, in all its full glory. After cracking both eyes open and giving the ropes and loops of metal that bounded him a gentle tug, he slowly lowered his defensive leg and let a small whining noise pass his perched lips.

'...Oui. I...do.'

So, the man got to work with cutting free the ropes with the butterfly knife that had been dropped to the floor thanks to Demoman. 'Ya always come prepared. I always notice that.' Soldier said slowly, allowing the Spy's hands and arms back to his sides to rest.

'Vell, as a Spy, you must.' After clicking the metal loops off, which dropped to the floor with a harsh clunk, he rubbed his sore wrists, and he was finally able to breathe when his neck was freed. A hefty sigh of relief escaped from his lungs. He rubbed the nape of his neck as he took a few deep breaths of fresh air through his ragged lungs. Ah, that felt better. No collar wrapped tightly around his neck to keep him from staying alive. Now for a smoke.

Reaching inside his jacket pocket to his disguise kit, he clicked it open and took out a cig, lighting it up with the dead Pyro's flame and taking a long drag from it. He offered one to Soldier, who simply passed and took out his own cancer stick from his pocket, but instead handed the knife back to the Frenchie. The both of them headed back to the base, as cease-fire was slowly closing in.

'Yo, where the hell 'ave you been all this time?' Asked a familiar Boston voice behind them once they were in the boundaries of their own base. 'And...ya not yellin' at each other? ...The hell 'appened to your suit?'

'Ve had a run-in vith 'ze other team.' Spy said, brushing at his burnt suit with an un-happy face. 'But Solider managed to be useful for once and...saved me.'

'I'll have you know that I am far better than any French Spy; and that was proven today!'

'Indeed he vas; for today and today.'

As the round ended with the BLU's winning over the RED's, everyone retreated back to there rooms for the night. Since the incident, the Solider and Spy had refrained from insulting each other and their countries/states, which was a relief on the other team-mates. But their was the odd scrabble here and there that would often lead into a brawl.

But it didn't happen as much, now, anyway.


End file.
